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The Cognitive Distortion of Emotional Reasoning
Barbara Heffernan • December 18, 2024
Why is listening to your emotions sometimes a distortion?
The cognitive distortion of emotional reasoning. What is it and why is it a problem?
However...
How to Stop Using the Cognitive Distortion of Emotional Reasoning
Shouldn't you take your emotions into account when you make your judgments and decisions?
Let's talk about it.
What is emotional reasoning?
Emotional reasoning is when you draw a conclusion based solely on how you feel.
People with this thinking pattern can feel like their feelings actually prove something is true, even if the evidence is contrary to that conclusion.
Or they might feel that their emotions prove something's true when they simply don't have any evidence one way or another.
Why emotional reasoning is a problem
If we are using emotional reasoning, we take action based on those feelings and on the conclusion they led us to. Those actions, in turn, exacerbate those feelings.
We'll believe whatever it is we're believing, stronger and stronger. We escalate the problem and the emotions.
This leads to highs and lows in our emotions, also called emotional dysregulation.
While using emotional reasoning, we aren't judging situations properly, we're not making great decisions about our lives or about other people.
However...
Having said this, it is important to also realize that your emotions are valid!
The best decisions combine your logic and reason with an accurate assessment of what your emotions are telling you.
So I'm going to give you three keys to how you can know whether you're using emotional reasoning
or whether you are accurately accessing the information that your emotions are giving you.
#1 Key: REACTIVITY
When we are in an emotionally reactive state, we are not thinking clearly.
When we can learn to respond to situations instead of react, we are operating from emotional regulation, and we have much more access to the logical part of our brain so we can balance reason and emotion.
You can assess your reactivity by how upset you are. Has your pulse rate gone up? Do you feel like you're having any physical feelings from a fight, flight, freeze response? If your emotions hit you in a whoosh and feel very strong, it is probably reactivity.
And the best thing to do at that moment is something that helps you emotionally regulate.
#2 Key: Identifying Your Habitual Emotion
The second key to knowing whether or not you are using the cognitive distortion of emotional reasoning is whether it is a habitual emotion that you are feeling.
Now, this is a super important concept, and I don't see this talked about a lot, but most of our emotions do give us really valid information. But when we have a habitual emotion, it isn’t giving us good information. In fact, it is probably covering up other emotions that might have more valid info for us.
A habitual emotion is our go-to emotion.
I'm going to share some very specific examples that will help to illustrate this concept, and then I'll share that third key.
Some emotional reasoning examples are extremely common, and most of us do something like these on occasion. And then there are examples that actually contribute to particular anxiety diagnoses. So I'm going to give both of these to you so you get a sense of how this emotional reasoning could impact you.
A very common example of emotional reasoning is the following:
You have a fight with your partner and you are very angry at something they did. It probably ties to something from your past or something that they've done before that they know you don't like. You feel that “If they really loved me, they wouldn't do this because they know how mad it makes me. They don't love me anymore. This is not worthwhile.” You work yourself up to the point where you're ready to break up with the person, Then a few days go by, you wake up and you are feeling better. Maybe the fight was resolved, or maybe your emotions have simply eased. You think to yourself “Wow,, I really love this person. What was I thinking?!”
As you can tell in this example, you have a rush of reactivity and you make a judgment about the person and situation. At that moment, you might say some horrible, hurtful, destructive things, which often causes the other person to do the same. Everything escalates, because of emotional reasoning.
An example of emotional reasoning that contributes to an anxiety disorder is the following:
Let’s talk about someone who has had one or two panic attacks in the past. Perhaps they called an ambulance and went to the hospital, thinking they were having a heart attack. At the hospital, after many tests and time, they are told it “isn’t physical, just a heart attack.” (Which I do not think is helpful information, to be honest!)This person is faced with a similar situation with that first panic attack and they feel like they might have another panic attack. This feeling translates immediately into the thought “I might have another panic attack,” and their heart rate goes up and the begin to feel more anxious. The thought changes to “I will definitely have another panic attack.” And this either can spiral into another panic attack, or they decide to avoid the situation that came up (which in the long run will make panic worse).
The feeling that they are going to have another panic attack translates into the belief they will, which almost certainly guarantees they well.
Another example is:
Let's take a person with social anxiety who feels like a group of people is talking behind their back. Since they feel that, they “know” it is true. Because they believe that, they withdraw from the group and avoid the situation. Over time, avoidance makes social anxiety worse. Further, that group of people will stop reaching out to the person over time, confirming the person’s belief that those people didn’t like him or her.
Emotional reasoning can contribute to very significant issues in your life.
#3 Key: Recognize the Negative Core Belief Which is Triggered
Emotional reasoning almost always corresponds to your negative core belief.
So for example, let’s say your negative core belief is, “I'm not good enough,” and you've had it since you were a child. You feel it in many situations. Lo and behold, if you become a parent, you'll feel “I'm not good enough.” Whatever goes wrong with the kids, you’ll feel, at core, “I’m just not a good enough parent.”
For somebody with health anxiety and panic disorder, their negative core belief could be “I'm in danger.” Many bodily feelings will be interpreted from that core belief, and they will feel
they have a terrible illness, and therefore, believe
it.
Could you comment below and let me know if this makes sense to you? This is a key concept. The reactivity, which probably comes from a trigger to that negative core belief, is bringing up that habitual emotion. The negative core belief is in full force and your body is having a reactive fight, flight, freeze response.
Okay, so if you are doing this, how do you stop using the cognitive distortion of emotional reasoning?
How do you get to a place where you can balance your logical mind with your awareness of valid emotions that are giving you good information?
How to Stop Using the Cognitive Distortion of Emotional Reasoning
Step 1: Recognize when you're in a reactive state
Note it to yourself, “I'm very reactive right now.”
When we're really reactive, we are not thinking clearly. Our fight, flight, freeze response is in full control of our brain, even if we're someone who appears super logical and super in control. Know that when you're activated, you're probably not making the best decisions for yourself.
Step 2: Identify the habitual emotion
Which emotion do you kind of “feel all the time?” When you're upset is it usually because you're anxious, or angry, or depressed? Or overwhelmed? Numbed out?
Any one of these, if they're habitual for you, come from reactivity.
Step 3: Identify what negative core belief has been triggered
Our negative core beliefs form very young in life, and they stay with us throughout life until we really do some work to get over them. And I do have a free PDF on identifying your negative core belief with three techniques to transform it. You can download that here.
Step 4: Take the time to emotionally regulate
Don't make major decisions in this moment. Don't impulsively say things.
If you need to, withdraw from the situation. Diaphragmatically breathe, do grounding techniques, go for a walk out in nature if that's something you find calming. Find ways to lower your heart rate back to its normal rate. Calm down and know that at that moment what you think is true is probably not true.
Step 5: Step back from your feelings
Take a moment to separate from your feelings so you can see them and you can acknowledge them, but not to be totally in them.
So on my channel and in my blog, I talk a lot about separating from thoughts. This is also about separating from thoughts, because you are having thoughts about those emotions! However, first, take the time to separate from your emotions. You don’t have to be totally in them.
An example could be: “Oh, okay, I am feeling panic coming on. I know this is a habitual pattern of mine. I know that I have felt this way before. I’ve been to the hospital a few times and they said it wasn’t anything dangerous. Clearly it wasn't a heart attack, because I lived for another year. So this is a habitual emotion. It is not giving me good information. I feel like I’m in danger but I know that I am not.”
You might keep feeling it, and part of you may still think it's real, but another part of you is able to recognize it as an anxious response that gets interpreted as a heart attack. That part knows you are safe enough, and that part will become stronger and stronger as you practice.
Another piece that comes into all of this is something called emotional intelligence. It is sometimes called EQ (as opposed to IQ). This includes being able to understand what your emotions are communicating to you.
Unfortunately, we’re not taught this in school. We're often not taught it at all in our families.
It is really useful to begin to learn, “Alright, what does anger tell me? What signal is it giving me?" Or: "If I'm feeling sad, what is that emotion telling me?”
If this is not a habitual emotion, it has information for you that you can pull in and then incorporate with your logical side to make decisions.
If this is not a habitual emotion, it has information for you that you can pull in and then incorporate with your logical side to make decisions.
Our best decisions in life are those that combine our logic and our emotions, our valid emotions.
So let me know if this made sense to you, whether you found it helpful, and whether you have any questions about it. And I will see you next week.
Blog Author: Barbara Heffernan, LCSW, MBA. Barbara is a licensed psychotherapist and specialist in anxiety, trauma, and healthy boundaries. She had a private practice in Connecticut for twenty years before starting her popular YouTube channel designed to help people around the world live a more joyful life. Barbara has a BA from Yale University, an MBA from Columbia University and an MSW from SCSU. More info on Barbara can be found on her bio page.
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