Discounting the Positive
Barbara Heffernan • January 28, 2025
Do you struggle to celebrate your achievements?
Do you find it hard to acknowledge your positive qualities or to recognize the good things happening in your life? Is your focus drawn mainly to the negative?
If your answer to any of these questions is yes, you might be experiencing a common cognitive distortion called "discounting the positive."
This way of thinking can significantly impact our self-esteem and our overall perspective.
Understanding the Cognitive Distortion of Discounting the Positive
Cognitive distortions are thinking patterns that most of us experience at some point. They are distorted lenses through which we view the world, impacting our experiences, feelings, and future behaviors. By identifying these distortions and labeling our thoughts, we can gain distance from them and think more clearly.
Discounting the positive means dismissing or minimizing any positive aspects of yourself or your experiences. You might dismiss a skill you have, or perhaps a goal you achieved.
This is not about what we might say that is socially acceptable— for example, politely waving away a compliment or a congratulations. This is about what you genuinely feel
about your achievements or positive qualities.
Here are some common examples of how this might manifest:
• If someone compliments you on an achievement, your immediate thought is, "Oh, it was nothing, anyone could have done it."
• Upon receiving a good grade, say, 85%, you focus solely on the fact that you didn't achieve a higher score.
• When someone offers a compliment, you think, "They're just saying that to be nice," and you question their sincerity.
• You focus on one negative aspect of an experience, such as a rude waiter at a restaurant, and dismiss all the positive aspects of the evening.
The Negative Impact of Discounting the Positive
The biggest problem with this pattern?
It reinforces our sense of inadequacy.
It reinforces our sense of inadequacy.
We might discount positives because we feel inadequate, but doing so only strengthens that feeling, creating a self-reinforcing cycle of low self-esteem.
We are not taking in the positive signals from the environment that we receive, whether these are positive comments from others or simply a successful outcome we contribute to.
6 Steps to Break the Pattern
Fortunately, this pattern of thinking can be changed with conscious effort. Here are six steps to help you begin to overcome the habit of discounting the positive:
#1. Recognize the Pattern
Many people aren't aware of how often they discount positives until they actively look for it. Try journaling at the end of each day:
- Did you receive any compliments?
- Did you achieve something?
- How did you feel
about it (not just what you said)?
- Did you downplay or discount these positives?
Finding the pattern in how you respond to positives, and how you might discount them, can help you step back and view your thoughts more clearly.
#2. Challenge the Pattern
When you catch yourself discounting something positive, ask:
- Is there evidence for my dismissal?
- Are my assumptions accurate?
- What other factors might be involved?
For example, if you're upset about getting an 85 instead of 95 on an exam, consider:
- How many others actually achieved a 95?
- What other responsibilities were you juggling? Perhaps those with a higher score are not taking as many courses, or do not have outside responsibilities.
- What would you have had to sacrifice to achieve that higher score? If you value your relationships or self-care, placing value on those instead of aiming for the higher grade would make sense.
#3. Identify Negative Core Beliefs
Consider the underlying negative beliefs that contribute to your tendency to discount the positive. What is the theme underneath your pattern of discounting the negative? Is it a belief of "I'm not good enough" or "I'm worthless"? Or is there a belief of "I'm lazy" or a feeling of defectiveness?
These deeply ingrained negative beliefs are at the root of our thinking errors and they can lead to a lot of unhappiness.
They remain deeply ingrained until we examine them carefully.
(By the way, you can download a free PDF
here
that can help with this! Transform your Negative Core Beliefs will help you identify your core belief and learn three techniques to overturn it).
Important note: This isn't about minimizing real problems—homelessness, job loss, illness, addiction, and other serious challenges are very real. The goal is to avoid adding unnecessary self-criticism on top of life's genuine difficulties.
#4. Practice Reframing the Narrative
Instead of dismissing accomplishments, intentionally reframe them.
For example, replace thoughts like "Oh, it was nothing" with "I worked hard for that," or "I feel good about that achievement."
Consider what an alternative response might be (whether external or internal – with internal being the most important!).
Even if you don't fully believe it at first, practice using these alternative responses. You're not lying—you're acknowledging that your initial reaction might not be accurate. “Act as if” can be very powerful.
#5. Celebrate Small Wins
At the end of each day, reflect on what went well and acknowledge those moments.
Think through:
- What went right today
- What you did well
- Small achievements worth acknowledging
You can do this privately or share with someone who understands. The key is developing the habit of recognizing positives, no matter how small.
#6. Seek External Perspective
Obtaining external perspective is very beneficial.
- If you find yourself dismissing a compliment, consider asking the person for further clarification.
- Share achievements with supportive friends or family.
- A therapist, a coach, or a support group can provide valuable insights and feedback.
Implementing These Steps
If you commit to implementing these steps daily for 30 days, you can make significant progress in changing your thought patterns.
It is important to acknowledge that habits of mind and negative core beliefs are deeply ingrained, so working to change them takes time and effort.
Remember, the goal isn't to ignore real problems or become unrealistically positive. Nor is it to become a braggart.
Instead, we're working to stop adding unnecessary negative self-judgment to our daily experiences.
If you found this post helpful, you might also
enjoy this blog post Challenging Negative Thinking.
Blog Author: Barbara Heffernan, LCSW, MBA. Barbara is a licensed psychotherapist and specialist in anxiety, trauma, and healthy boundaries. She had a private practice in Connecticut for twenty years before starting her popular YouTube channel designed to help people around the world live a more joyful life. Barbara has a BA from Yale University, an MBA from Columbia University and an MSW from SCSU. More info on Barbara can be found on her bio page.
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