The Freeze Response
Barbara Heffernan • February 4, 2025
Why We Freeze and What You Can Do About It
Why We Freeze in Stressful Situations (And Why It's Not Your Fault)
Have you ever felt completely paralyzed in a stressful situation, unable to think clearly or even move? Does your mind sometimes shut down, perhaps when you need it th e most? Whether this happens occasionally or is your regular stress response, you're experiencing what's known as the freeze mode - one of our basic survival instincts. Let's explore what the freeze response is, how it can be both helpful and problematic, and most importantly, how to manage it.
The Brain's Survival Mechanism
Our brains are wired to keep us safe, and the amygdala plays a key role in controlling the fight, flight, or freeze response. The amygdala is one of the oldest parts of our brain in evolutionary terms - even reptiles have a similar mechanism. The amygdala is designed to rapidly shift us into survival mode when needed, with freeze being one of these survival responses.
Most mammals follow a hierarchy of responses to threat. Their first choice is typically flight - to run away from danger. If fleeing isn't possible, they'll fight. When neither flight nor fight is possible, they freeze. The freeze response occurs in the face of the most overwhelming danger, and in truly extreme situations, it can sometimes be lifesaving.
When Freeze Becomes Problematic
The problem is that the freeze response gets triggered by situations that are not life threatening. These could be everyday situations, memories, or sensory information (sights, smells, sounds).
In these situations, we are not in extreme danger, and freezing can be very problematic, preventing us from engaging our frontal lobe, which is necessary for planning and problem-solving.
However, it's important not to blame yourself for this response, and I think you’ll understand why by the end of this blog.
Consider a mouse being chased by a cat. The mouse will first try to flee - it won't turn to fight as it has no chance against the cat. But if the mouse gets trapped in a corner with no escape route, it will go into freeze mode. This response protects the mouse in two ways: by playing dead (which might cause the cat to lose interest) and by releasing internal opiates that numb the mouse to what's happening.
(So I know sometimes just reading this example can feel very upsetting. If you have a regular freeze response, it is likely that you had situations in the past where you were in that type of situation: danger and unable to flee or fight.
Understanding Your Stress Response Pattern
While all three survival responses - fight, flight, and freeze - can be helpful when needed, most people develop a primary automatic response to stress. Some people are fighters, some are fleers, and some are freezers. Knowing your main stress response pattern is crucial for learning how to modulate it.
These responses are meant to be triggered when there's immediate danger, not for most current day situations.
Most stressful situations in day-to-day life require that we engage our frontal lobe, our planning brain, to fix problems. And the frontal lobe can get totally shut down by the amygdala (this is called the Amygdala Hijack, and I just recorded a video on that phenomenon!).
For those who regularly experience the freeze response, there's often a connection to Complex PTSD.
In my 20 years as an anxiety and trauma specialist, I observed that it was not only violent childhoods that could trigger the freeze response, but also neglectful environments.
If there's neglect, if the caregiver pulls away and is not there, it's a threat to that child's survival and also a threat to that child's identity. Our identity develops in relationship.
Either violence or neglect can cause a freeze response in children, and this might be an "adaptive" choice. In fact, it might be the best choice at the time. I really want to stress that children who freeze very often have to freeze.
Either violence or neglect can cause a freeze response in children, and this might be an "adaptive" choice. In fact, it might be the best choice at the time. I really want to stress that children who freeze very often have to freeze.
Unfortunately, this pattern can become ingrained as our automatic reaction later in life.
Common Symptoms of the Freeze Response
Recognizing the symptoms of the freeze response is helpful. You may not have all of these, and it is likely that one or two are predominent.
Recognizing the symptoms of the freeze response is helpful. You may not have all of these, and it is likely that one or two are predominent.
- Mind Going Blank: A total shutdown of thought, making it difficult to recall information, even in situations where you know what to say.
- Numbness and Detachment: Feeling numb, detached, or dissociated from the situation.
- Overwhelm: Feeling so overwhelmed that you shut down and do nothing.
- Excessive Daydreaming: A sign of dissociation that can be a chronic symptom of the freeze response.
- Physical Symptoms: Tonic immobility (inability to move limbs), muscle heaviness, and feeling numb.
- Fawning Behaviors: Ignoring personal needs to please others.
Okay, so what do you do about this?
How do you move to a place where your go-to response is no longer freezing?
You can do it!
I'm going to give you three steps that are really kind of the groundwork, and then I'm going to give you a couple of tools that can begin to help. A
You can do it!
I'm going to give you three steps that are really kind of the groundwork, and then I'm going to give you a couple of tools that can begin to help. A
How to Stop the Freeze Response
It is possible to shift away from the freeze response as your go-to reaction. Here are three foundational steps and some practical tools.
Three Groundwork Steps:
#1 Ensure External Safety:
Make sure your external environment is relatively safe. If you are in an unsafe situation, reach out to resources like 211 to find help and crisis counseling to get you to safety. (211 is an anonymous hotline where they will provide resources to help). If you are living in an extremely unsafe environment, it will be very hard to shift how your very amygdala is responding. In fact, as we discussed, the freeze response might make the most sense in a dangerous situation.
Make sure your external environment is relatively safe. If you are in an unsafe situation, reach out to resources like 211 to find help and crisis counseling to get you to safety. (211 is an anonymous hotline where they will provide resources to help). If you are living in an extremely unsafe environment, it will be very hard to shift how your very amygdala is responding. In fact, as we discussed, the freeze response might make the most sense in a dangerous situation.
#2 Create an Internal Sense of Being Safe Enough:
Even in a physically safe environment, many people struggle to feel internally safe. You can work towards an internal feeling of safety with the tools described below. (I also have a three week "mini-course" on YouTube for free. I will link it here).
Even in a physically safe environment, many people struggle to feel internally safe. You can work towards an internal feeling of safety with the tools described below. (I also have a three week "mini-course" on YouTube for free. I will link it here).
#3 Recognize Freeze as an Anxiety Response:
Understand that the freeze response, though it may feel like numbness, is an extreme form of anxiety. Recognizing it as such can help you use anxiety management tools.
Understand that the freeze response, though it may feel like numbness, is an extreme form of anxiety. Recognizing it as such can help you use anxiety management tools.
Now, just briefly on anxiety. Cognitive anxiety is worrying about something that is in the future, usually something that you can do nothing about. One problem with the freeze response is that the freeze response gets triggered - boom! - by the amygdala. It hits you prior to conscious thought. Because of this, it may not feel like it is tied to anxiety. But the more you begin to use some anxiety reduction tools, the more you'll be able to separate from this automatic response.
Identifying the freeze as anxiety helps you understand that your brain is trying to protect you from a threat that is not in front of you. So the protection is actually not needed.
Tools for Managing the Freeze Response
Grounding Exercises: Grounding exercises shift your focus from your mind to your body. Because the freeze response is body-based, movement can be helpful.
o Activating Movements: Engage in activities that mobilize your body, like throwing a ball or pillow, jumping jacks, or stomping your feet. These can be more effective than calming exercises for people in a freeze state.
o Focusing on Senses: Pay close attention to your five senses – sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch, in order to stay present in the moment.
o Aromatherapy: Use a pleasant scent to focus on the present.
o Example: Bring your attention to your feet on the floor, noticing what they feel like. If you feel triggered, stomp your feet to connect with the present moment.
Mindfulness Exercises: Practice being present in everyday activities.
o Mindful Walks: Pay attention to your surroundings during a walk.
o Daily Activities: Engage in daily activities like washing dishes by focusing on your senses (the warmth of the water, the scent of the soap).
o Diaphragmatic Breathing: Use slow, deep breaths to calm your body. Practice it first when you’re not triggered, and then in increasingly more stressful situations. It’s recommended to start with grounding exercises if breathing exercises don't feel good.
o Safe Place Exercise: Visualize a safe place and focus on the sensations you would feel there. This can help you create an internal sense of safety.
Therapy: Working with a qualified therapist can be invaluable. EMDR therapy has shown particular effectiveness for people with PTSD and high anxiety who experience freezing. You can also look for therapists with a somatic focus who can provide the support, encouragement, and validation you might have missed in your early years.
Building New Patterns
Remember that these techniques need to be practiced regularly when you're not triggered or stressed. Practice a few times daily to build muscle memory for grounding and mindful presence. Over time, these new patterns can help you overcome the freeze response and develop more adaptive stress reactions.
The journey to managing the freeze response takes time and patience, but with consistent practice and the right support, you can develop new ways of responding to stress that will serve you better in your current life.
Blog Author: Barbara Heffernan, LCSW, MBA. Barbara is a licensed psychotherapist and specialist in anxiety, trauma, and healthy boundaries. She had a private practice in Connecticut for twenty years before starting her popular YouTube channel designed to help people around the world live a more joyful life. Barbara has a BA from Yale University, an MBA from Columbia University and an MSW from SCSU. More info on Barbara can be found on her bio page.
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Scientifically proven, simple technique to calm an amygdala hijack. This blog describes this simple technique, provides the scientifically proven benefits of using this technique and shares 7 steps to implement this technique in the most effective way! Based on Lieberman's scientific research on affect labeling.
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Understanding the Fawn Response The Fawn response is a behavior developed in childhood, often connected to complex trauma. It could even be little "t" traumas on an ongoing basis, where as a child, you learned to subjugate yourself to the caregiver in order to stay in relationship and survive. This becomes a deeply ingrained survival behavior which can become habitual. As you grow up, it gets applied to all situations. This blog will go through nine components required for healing. - The first three focus on internal work - The next three are more practical, action-oriented techniques - The last three address deeper psychological work Internal Work (Components 1-3) # 1. Recognize that fawning developed because it was necessary at the time Understand that fawning was a survival strategy, and it might have been the very best choice available to you. It may also have been, in many ways, the only choice. Even today as adults, there are situations where choosing a fawning-type behavior might actually be the best choice. This is important to understand because we don't want to eliminate this response entirely—we want to get to the point where it's not an automatic go-to reaction. Instead, we want to reach a place where you can consciously think, "I'm choosing to do this right now." Acknowledging that this developed as a survival strategy helps prepare you for the next two components. [ For more information on what the fawn response is and why it developed, read this blog] # 2. Begin to acknowledge and validate your own feelings If you grew up in an environment where you learned to fawn, my guess is that not only were your caregivers not paying attention to your feelings, but you also had to subjugate your own feelings to the point where you weren't aware of what you were feeling. As an adult, it's necessary to begin recognizing and identifying your emotions: "I'm feeling angry" or "sad" or "frustrated" or "irritated." Begin to acknowledge and even verbalize what you're feeling. The simple act of labeling your emotion calms down your fight-flight-freeze response and increases activity in the areas of the brain that help you solve problems. There is research that shows this happening via fMRIs! # 3. Practice self-compassion Understanding why this behavior developed can help you practice self-compassion. Changing these behaviors is hard and takes time. If you find yourself automatically fawning and later yelling at yourself, try not to do that—you're basically re-traumatizing yourself for a behavior you learned for survival. Instead, try noting it with self-compassion: "Interesting, I fell into that pattern again." And then connect this to the next step by adding, "I fell into that pattern again because of this situation." Observe with compassion rather than judgment. Practical Tools (Components 4-6) # 4. Identify situations that trigger fawning behavior Notice which situations trigger your fawning behavior. As you review these situations, see if there are patterns similar to those you experienced as a child. They may reflect situations that were emotionally or physically dangerous, or that created a rift between you and your caregivers. Identifying these situations helps you understand what patterns became embedded in your emotional brain. As you observe these patterns, bring in self-compassion and that observer mindset. This approach is much more productive than criticizing yourself. As you identify these patterns, you can connect them to current situations: "This situation at work with a difficult authority figure is recreating this childhood pattern for me." You are bringing in your frontal lobe to analyze the emotional reaction, which helps you realize, "That was threatening to my very existence when I was a child, but it is not threatening to my existence right now." This recognition is crucial because automatic fawning behaviors come from a need to survive immediate danger. The uncertainty of longer-term consequences (like losing a job) might be problematic, but it's not an immediate survival threat. Differentiating between then and now helps calm your fawn response. # 5. Keep a journal to track people-pleasing behaviors Keep a journal for 30 days. Journal on this question: "Did I say or do something today to please someone else that was at my own expense?" As you review the events of each day, you might realize, "I didn't do it this situation, but I did do it in those five situations." Again, maintain self-compassion with no judgment—just observe and be aware this will take time. This question gets at the heart of the issue: What did you do today that ignored your own values or needs in order to stay in relationship with someone else, avoid criticism, or prevent rejection? Verbalizing this through an audio journal or writing it down utilizes different parts of your brain that help you comprehensively understand what's happening. # 6. Practice emotional regulation tools daily Implement diaphragmatic breathing, grounding exercises, or any techniques that calm your physiology. Practice these regularly, not just in the middle of triggering events. You can weave these practices throughout your day. Set an alarm for three different times during the day, and when it goes off, simply take three deep diaphragmatic breaths. No one needs to know you're doing it—you can do it anywhere, and it's free. While it might not feel immediately helpful, you're stimulating a different part of your nervous system that helps you realize, "In this situation, it would not be life-threatening if the relationship were severed. I'm not in a situation where my immediate survival is at stake." When you feel safe enough, your normal breathing pattern will naturally be diaphragmatic. It's all a feedback loop—a body-based technique that communicates to the rest of your brain. The fawn response is differentiated from the fight-flight-freeze response. Sometimes they're grouped together, but I think it's more useful to separate them (I'll cover this topic in the future if you're interested—let me know in the comments). The fawn response uses different parts of the nervous system and brain because it's largely about staying in connection with others. That said, knowing whether your underlying response is fight, flight, or freeze beneath the fawn behavior can be helpful. People who fawn typically have either a flight response (wanting to run away) or a freeze response. Fighters rarely develop the fawn response. I recently created videos and blogs about calming the fight-flight-freeze response that might be useful for you. Deeper Work (Components 7-9) # 7. Recognize your negative core beliefs Identify what beliefs developed when you were young that led you to fawn, and what beliefs developed as a result of fawning. A common belief for people who fawn is "my needs don't matter," or even " I don't matter." Other common beliefs include "I'm not good enough," or "I'm powerless." A general feeling of being in danger is also common. Identifying these negative core beliefs and beginning to use tools to rewire them is extremely helpful. [I have a free PDF that helps you identify these beliefs and learn tools to rewire them. You can find it by clicking here ]. # 8. Learn to recognize and separate from limiting thoughts Notice when your behavior is driven by your negative core beliefs, whether you're fawning or not. You might operate from these beliefs almost all the time, even when not actively people-pleasing. Begin to separate yourself from these thoughts. Not all of our thoughts are true. Not all of our beliefs are true. We can "diffuse" from our thoughts by using our observer mind: "Interesting, I'm thinking that again, but I know it isn't necessarily true." A helpful technique is to "practice as if." If you feel like your needs don't matter, pretend that they do matter. Ask yourself, "What would I do right now if my needs mattered?" You can practice this approach in small ways. Your behavior, even if it is coming from a place of pretense, will actually begin to rewire these beliefs. # 9. Establish healthy boundaries I've placed this component last because establishing healthy boundaries isn't simply about saying "no." (Sometimes saying no is a healthy boundary, but sometimes it's not—and boundaries encompass much more than that). Healthy boundaries require a deep understanding of yourself and your values, and an understanding of where you end and others begin. To truly understand healthy boundaries requires deep inner work. The other components we've discussed, particularly emotional regulation, are prerequisites for establishing boundaries. Until you develop a certain level of emotional regulation, it's nearly impossible to implement healthy boundaries. When your amygdala is firing with the fight-flight-freeze response, your response is automatic and happening too quickly for your rational brain to intervene. Your rational mind might know "I should be saying no right now" or "I should leave this conversation," but the panic response has already set in, and your brain is focused solely on keeping the relationship intact and staying safe by avoiding conflict. This is why healthy boundaries aren't just about learning more information. You've probably read extensively about boundaries and have cognitive awareness of what healthy boundaries might look like. Then you get frustrated when you can't implement them because no one talks about the fact that boundary-setting starts with emotional regulation. Healthy boundaries also require healing negative core beliefs and knowing (even if you don't yet feel it ) that you can be safe without maintaining a toxic relationship, you can be safe even when there's conflict. A Structured Approach to Healing In my boundary program , I've designed an approach which walks you through the CORE components of healing and establishing helthy boundaries. The program helps you: develop the emotional regulation you need to begin to set boundaries identify and heal the negative core beliefs that are driving unhealthy boundaries learn assertive communication (as opposed to passive or aggressive) understand how to set boundaries and consequences and begin to do so! (For more info on the boundary program, click here) Learning assertive communication is essential because people with fawn patterns often use passive communication. Assertive communication represents the middle ground between passive and aggressive communication. It embodies the principle "I'm okay, you're okay." Many people who fawn misinterpret assertive communication as aggressive, and since they don't want to be like their aggressive abuser, they default to passive communication. But there is a healthy middle ground. As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and questions—please comment below. I truly hope this is helpful, and I'll see you next week.
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