The Roles in a Dysfunctional Family
Have you ever experienced the frustration of
reverting back to old patterns when you
return home for family gatherings, despite all the
progress you've made in your personal healing journey?
If so, you're
not alone. Falling back into
familiar roles within the family system can be distressing and hinder our growth.
In families, roles develop that can restrict our sense of self, behavior, and overall authenticity.
Within dysfunctional families, we often see
six distinct roles.
The first two roles are those of the parents: One is typically dysfunctional while the other is an enabler.
Let's briefly explore the
four roles that
children may assume: the
Hero Child, the
Scapegoat, the
Mascot, and the
Lost Child.
The Hero Child
The Hero Child is driven to achieve and is often the oldest sibling. Parents shower this child with positive reinforcement, using them as proof that the family is not dysfunctional.
However, this pressure to constantly succeed can lead to feelings of worthlessness if they fall short, causing guilt and a tendency to avoid vulnerability.
The Scapegoat
On the other hand, the
Scapegoat child bears the blame for everything that goes wrong in the family.
This constant blaming can instill a deep sense of inadequacy in the Scapegoat, potentially leading to self-destructive behaviors.
The Mascot
The family's entertainer, the
Mascot uses humor to diffuse tension.
They enjoy attention and making others laugh, but internally, they suppress their own challenging emotions.
This coping mechanism may drive them toward self-destructive behaviors, as a means to numb uncomfortable feelings.
Lost Child
The Lost Child seeks refuge by withdrawing from conflict, often hiding under tables or in closets.
This child's
inward-turned coping mechanism may lead to
neglect and
isolation.
Their silence and avoidance of conflict can limit their voice and overall growth as individuals.
These rigid roles are designed to divert attention from the real problem.
It is
essential for our well-being to
embrace all aspects of ourselves—both the
strong and capable, as well as the
vulnerable and weak.
True authenticity and joy arise when we accept ourselves as complete beings, fostering self-compassion and self-confidence.
If any of this resonates with you, you can get more resources and support through my program called
Roadmap to Joy and Authentic Confidence.
This six-month program will guide you towards your
authentic self, transforming
negative core beliefs associated with your role, and helping you find joy and peace.
In my
latest YouTube video, I share these six roles and the key characteristics of each role including the strengths as well as the drawbacks and difficulties.
Click here to watch now →
Dysfunctional Family Roles
Through tools and work, you can pave the way for a different attitude when you gather for your next family event!
Keep up the amazing self-work!
Blog Author: Barbara Heffernan, LCSW, MBA. Barbara is a licensed psychotherapist and specialist in anxiety, trauma, and healthy boundaries. She had a private practice in Connecticut for twenty years before starting her popular YouTube channel designed to help people around the world live a more joyful life. Barbara has a BA from Yale University, an MBA from Columbia University and an MSW from SCSU. More info on Barbara can be found on her bio page.
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