Comparison truly is the thief of joy. I'm sure you've heard this quote before, and boy, does it ring true. It's like we're constantly sizing ourselves up against others and falling short. 

Throughout my 20 years as a psychotherapist, I saw the suffering that arises from comparing ourselves to others. It wreaks havoc on our self-esteem and it contributes to anxiety and depression.

But here's the thing. There are two fundamental truths underneath this whole comparison game that, when grasped, can set us free from the grip of this painful habit.

Truth #1: Scarcity Mindset vs. Growth Mindset

Comparisonitis reflects a scarcity mindset. It is based on a feeling of “they have this” and “I can’t.”

A growth mindset turns others' success into inspiration, not threat.The growth mindset sees someone who has something you want and turns it into: ok, what can I learn. What can I put in place to achieve what I want?

It's about believing in your potential.

Truth #2: Insides vs. Outsides

When we compare ourselves we are always comparing our insides to someone else's outsides. 

Think about it. You see someone successful, beautiful, or seemingly put together, but you don't see the struggles, the insecurities, the challenges they face. You don’t see the pain they still have in their life. 

It's like watching a movie and assuming you know the whole plot by just looking at the poster.

Let’s get practical: A visualization that can help you.

Bring up a recent moment where you found yourself caught in the comparison trap?

Picture the scene. Feel the physical sensations that come with it. What changes in your body when you bring this to mind?

Now, identify the emotions that go with it. Is it shame, envy, a feeling of unfairness? Something else? 

Then, think through the negative core belief that goes with that emotion and those physical feelings. Identifying this core belief is the key to breaking free from this painful habit. 

I do have  a free PDF, Transform Your Negative Core Beliefs, that will help you identify these beliefs. It also walks you through three exercises to begin to change these into positive, adaptive beliefs. Click here for the PDF.

Remember, life isn't a competition.

Joy comes from embracing the imperfect journey, not the flawless destination.